I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
