You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize