So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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