just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
