grandma shit on top of the toilet
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
