she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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