bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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