I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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