ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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