Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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