Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
