He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
