so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
