Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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