if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
