My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
