so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
