i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize