before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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