marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
