i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize