i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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