Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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