mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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