My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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