Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
