Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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