I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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