Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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