Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize