she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
