So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
