and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize