you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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