I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
