At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
