dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
