How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
