youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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