whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
