Betty ford says i'm here all night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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