Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just invented taco cereal.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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