I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
