we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
