It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
