So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
