We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
