2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize