I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
