I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize