i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
