Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
