so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
