If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
