You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
