I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
