she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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