if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
