I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
