She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
