the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
