I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
