those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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