i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
