She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
