Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
