Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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