what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
