Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
