well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
