Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
